Saturday, August 8, 2009

On being Interviewed in the Bath by Terry Wogan. A lá Committments.

It has arrived at last. Fame. Oh, and Terry Wogan interviewing me in the bath.

Terry: So MJ, you've come to the end of your dissertation, come away from the Thesis Centre in Camden St with a few scars. Tell us about it.
Me: Well Terry, for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do some research into the manufacturing industry. What with it being in trouble 'n' all, I hoped to help it along by finding some success routes for those that have stayed the course thusfar.
Terry: And what did you find out MJ?
Me: That it was not a good idea. My life has had to go pretty much on hold for the past year, and I'm not sure it was worth it.
Terry: Why so?
Me: Because I'm not sure anyone is actually going to read the damn thing.
Terry: You've lost faith in your findings already, so soon after publication?
Me: Not at all Terry, I've lost faith in other people's interest. My findings are fcuking amazing, I'm a fricking genius.
Terry: Well of course, of course...
Me: I found out that some fellas have the balls to go for it, and others are just ok ticking along.
Terry: Right, well, that's hardly scientific, is it?
Me: It was fricking case study based research Terry, it doesn't have to be scientific, that's the beauty of it. It's all down to interpretation. Gleaning from it whateverthefrick you want. Know what I mean?
Terry: How long did it take you to conduct the research?
Me: Well you know Terry, there had to be a few months of procrastinating in there, no good academic research is worked on consistently. Any PhD-person will tell you that. It needs a bit of...panic, drive, you know what I mean?
Terry: I think I do...
Me: So after p*ssing about for three months, I did a bit of a Literature Review. Picked a few holes in what others had done in the area.
Terry: That sounds good -
Me: Yep, that made me feel great so I p*ssed around for another few months doing sweet FA, then decided to get my finger out and conduct a few interviews.
Terry: Remarkable.
Me: Indeed Terry, indeed. I asked a few questions, prodded a few sore points and tried to get to the bottom of a few questions my research supervisor had mentioned. Transcribed the whole thing and eh, well...
Terry: What?
Me: Honestly? I stared at it for another while. Couldn't figure out how the hell to get from 40-pages of notes to a graph or barchart of any kind.
Terry: So what did you do?
Me: I looked in a few books, asked the supervisor a few questions that caused his eyes to roll heavenward.
Terry: And?
Me: I decided to ignore him completely and went off on a tangeant that got me to my 20-odd-thousand word limit.
Terry: Incredible.
Me: I know, I'm a fricking genius, like I said. An academic marvel, if you will.
Terry: That's one way of looking at it.
Me: I'm looking forward to results day and graduation. Should be a hell of a bender.
Terry: Is there anyone you want to thank now?
Me: Well of course! The makers of coffee, for one... My supervisor for not openly judging me. My friends, family and random strangers on Twitter who have kept me entertained when I was meant to be working. My better half for turning a blind eye when I scoffed ALL the chocolate in the house and then yelled at him for no apparent reason. Often.
Terry: And what is to come of your findings now, now that the class has disbanded. What will happen to your research findings?
Me: I'm fcuked if I know Terry. Have you any chocolate?

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